303 Individual Art Review: Progress in Process AKA the "Monsterpiece"

detail view 

Hey all!

Just stopping in for a "quick" update on my Individual Art Review series of work.. it's coming along way faster and more naturally than I anticipated. And to be honest, this update/reflection took the better half of two hours. 
In my previous post about my Individual Art Review (303) series, "Sometimes I just need to write...About my work", I indicated my desire to create a breadth of work about family and friends. Well.. my idea was approved a couple weeks ago and I have taken off running with it! I have made some pretty drastic changes to the original plans, but I feel that this series is taking off in a positive and transformative direction -- in more ways than one.

In order to create a series of healing and acceptance after months and years of denial and hurt, I needed to mask the true nature of the images so I could begin to view them differently as well. The process began with the gathering of artifacts and references, including X-rays, MRIs, surgical photography, and even medical journals which helped to fuel my research and interpretation of the events. My grandmother was the second relative to reach out and provide me with images from her experiences, preceded by another close relative whom I will discuss later :) She had suffered from a condition called Chronic Thromboembolic pulmonary hypertension... a mouthful, right?! To break this down, my grandmother was suffering from blood clots developing in the arteries in her lungs. She ended up having a pulmonary endarterectomy to remove the blood clots (serious surgery, guys). My grandmother (Gramma) and I are very close and I wanted to explore the experiences surrounding these events and condition with great care. 

The first of several drawings.. and the reference image: foot-long blood clots!

Through highly detailed drawings, I gained the power to perceive the information and images and reinvented them into new ideas and compositional arrangements. My drawings no longer represented medical findings and scans; they took on lives of their own, and began to evolve and change as I accessed more memories and artifacts. My grandmother and I had discussed the 'reimagining' of the images into more recognizable shapes or objects. She even contacted me recently to inform me she saw a 'dragon' or a 'flower' in some of the drawings. Already, I was seeing a pattern; the assignment of meaning by the viewer.. I was hooked.

I did not actually end up using this drawing in the series, but I used it for reference on other images..

In order to better access the memories surrounding these events, I play the music I had in my library at the time. It's amazing to think how tied to our senses our memories are.. my music player has the option of keeping track of dates when you added or listened to songs and I have found this an invaluable tool for recollection and connection. There were many events going on in my personal life at the time of these events as well, so it has also become a way to revisit and work through many other issues...I pretty much pick up the pen and go. I usually spend 4 hours or more working on one piece. It is important to me that I only work on one iteration at a time so I can fully experience the process and the impossible to guess results. I never erase and I rarely pick up the pen from the paper - it's almost like a trance, to be honest.

The image on the left was the second iteration of the reference image..
its pair came later.

I also took direction from the highly detailed etchings and observational drawings found in a copy of Gray's Anatomy. Muscles, bone marrow, fatty tissues, and even the 'structures' of organs inspired surreal landscapes and textures which appear throughout my series of drawings.

I seek to create ambiguity of figure ground relationships by using implied depth, abstraction, heavy distortion and textures. By changing the appearance of the x-ray or surgical photography, I in turn change the stigma presented with such cold and technical imagery. The power of the image is transferred to the viewer and they have the opportunity to assign meaning to what they are seeing - much like I was forced to do years ago when presented with the information.

One aspect of the works that my professors brought up was the natural human instinct to associate familiar imagery with that which they cannot explain. Aka personification and assigning meaning to the unknown. For example, the first iteration resembled a lobster or some kind of crustacean.. the original idea I presented in my first entries were about just that! Recreating images into 'real', and beautiful reconstructions. However, as I continue to work on these iterations, these imaginings and conceptions of ideas, I realize I cannot make them traditionally or outright 'beautiful'. Each image holds its own design aesthetic, patterns, structures, and characteristics that distinguish it from the others. Though they all operate in a series and present different views of the same idea, I cannot call them beautiful. And I do not think I want to, to be honest...

Fourth iteration

Third iteration of same idea... 

detail view

 As I worked on this first series, I brought in some unfamiliar images and textures into the mix. Working from a medical reference book inspired me greatly but I realized I was beginning to pull ideas and techniques from, of all things, childhood. When I was younger I would draw dragons for hours and days on end. Dragons and creatures with scales, bony plates, wings, claws- the whole package. While working I can often step back and see the influence of my previous objects of affection, dragons, in my lines and patterns. I can pick out the scaly texture from a dragon's hide or the delicate strands of hair from the mane of some other creature... they are becoming more complex and engaging than I could have hoped. No compositions or images I have pre-planned have ever been as detailed or concentrated as these series of images.

fifth iteration - seriously getting weird.

 The image above was actually a deconstruction of my first iteration. Again, I did not like that some people could 'see' objects or creatures in it so I decided it was time to chop up that one and try again. I am a huge advocate for learning from mistakes, and with this process I have to either accept the consequences of that line on that paper, or start completely over. I used a light table to trace in new shapes and orientations to the existing figure and repeated that process to create a pair. I wanted to create balance between the two figures in the composition and retain that feeling of 'the specimens' on the paper. Again, the textures poured out of the pen onto the paper and evolved before my very eyes into something even more strange and filled with life.

the completed first series

The first iterations of the first series were all very graphic and flat in nature. As I reworked them to completion, only then did they begin to have more overlapping and interacting structures... In my original drawings every object was without depth or suggestions of dimensions. They just were. After completing this first series I decided I needed many, many more. I had too many ideas and new techniques to depict and not enough space or paper!

I have begun work on the next series already (because I am a weirdo, yes) which use x-rays as a reference. I received the x-rays from my deceased grandfather's wife earlier this summer. She sent images of his knees, his kidneys, and his pelvis. My grandfather had prostate cancer and several illnesses that followed the initial cancer. He passed away a few years ago and my family has been recovering, slowly, ever since. They participate in several events centered around raising awareness about prostate cancer - most of which I cannot attend because, again, I live so far from their source. I have been made a spectator in the course of my own life and the lives of others - so this has been a coping mechanism of sorts. I feel very connected to the people in my life and I hope that this series can provide some level of solace in its own unique way.

first iteration

For this series I wanted to create images with a presence and depth to them. My original thought was to create landscape-like images, which would communicate the all-encompassing feelings that accompanied his passing. My family took the loss very hard and when I returned home for the wake it was like walking into an environment of sadness. In creating landscapes, I thought I would be able to transport the viewer to a different place to feel the confusion and chaos that I felt at the time... a literal landscape of emotion. While drawing, the objects began to close up into themselves and seemed to demand certain things. Now, before you write me off as the crazy artist lady, let me explain...

I started with one of the shapes I observed in an x-ray of my grandfather's knee and expanded upon that to create the first iteration. It felt very empty and loose, but there was also a rigidity to it I did not intend to depict.. It resembled the first series a bit too closely so I picked up a different image; this time a frontal x-ray of the pelvis. A random combination of that image and the image of the kidneys and the lower back began to take shape. I wanted to focus on veins, sinewy connections, holes, and of course structure in this iteration. The idea demanded certain directions be taken, certain paths be left unfinished. Textures began to form on the paper and I am not kidding when I say these things draw themselves. They really do.. I wanted to create depth and overlap, something I had previously not been concerned with in the least. Each piece has taken its own individual path, which is one of the biggest reasons I think I can do so many of them! I hope to create a breadth of work that spans across multiple events, each depicted through many iterations. 

second iteration - complete

 The third iteration in this series is arguably the most interesting so far. I mean, I think it's interesting because I'm drawing it, but seriously. I have not used most of these structures, patterns, or textures before. The works are creating languages of their own and I am merely responsible for putting them on paper in permanent ink. It's a very surreal process and it forces me to surrender control of the final results. ..something I have shuddered at many times before.

I began the third iteration late last night, using the frontal x-ray of the pelvis for a starting point. I wanted just a slight suggestion of that structure so I retained the basic shape of the pelvic bones and their orientation in the body. After that, though.. things went a different direction. Seems to be a common thread throughout this exploration of ideas! I picked up the x-ray of the pelvis again and began to take lines and shapes from the knee x-rays as well. Finally, I opened up Gray's Anatomy and referred back to their realistic observational studies and came up with...this.

third iteration

Some structures are found in the other series but the use of textures is all new and suggestive of pulsing, scaly, porous surfaces. It. Freaks. Me. Out. In a good way, I think. After working the image a bit more, I reached a stopping point and gave myself a break. Looking down at the progress so far.. I do not know which direction this series is going to take. I will probably rework the first iteration to make it more cohesive with the others.. but my goal is to create four images (or more, HAH) for each individual series.

 The next images I will utilize will be x-rays from my mom and dad's surgeries.. so many stories there, and relatively recent events so I have fresh eyes and memories to be inspired by.. I also received images from my aunt and her multiple x-rays and test results. That's a whole other saga to explore! In total, I hope to have a minimum of 12 iterations from various series.. I know I have more than that amount of images to choose from for inspiration and starting points!

So yeah... that's where I'm at. It's kind of a scary, crazy, unpredictable, and strange place to be... but so far I am enjoying the ride immensely. Every couple of days I sit down and just draw until I cannot sap any more inspiration from the images in front of me and then I start a new idea. It's so far from what I would call my 'comfort zone' of art - surrendering control to the media, to the process, and to the natural progression of making sense of strange images. I can't wait to see where the road turns next.


Until another big old lightning bolt of inspiration strikes,

Ms. Kanak